Letting Go

Do you ever feel so angry with all of your emotions brimming inside?

Me too.

I am so angry right now, and I have to report it's over something insignificant: I am angry at guys. The one you want to like you, to notice you and to be interested in you- you know, the one that is always interested in someone else. Then we have the flip side character who likes you, the one who notices you, the one who is interested in you. You know, the one who you're not interested in.

Perhaps I am not angry at guys- I mean, they really did nothing wrong. I am angry at the typical nature of things not working out the lovely way I wish they would. I am angry that I will have to let go of liking a guy with the quirkiest sense of humour. I will have to let go because right now it has the familiar markings of a closed door.

But sometimes I can't help it. I meet a guy, an amazing guy with dreamy eyes, the coolest sense of humour and a heart for the Lord. Within a minute of conversation together, I imagine our future. We traverse through the spontaneous, fun friendship, the relationship and our wedding. 

The wedding that never was.

For whatever reason these things don't work out. Relationships have never worked with me- I haven't had enough green lights to even enter one. They are foreign, so you can guess I am familiar with the exterior face of a closed door. 

So this is where I learn the "art" of letting go. I suppose it's an art because it requires practice. Breathe, this is just another experience to learn, to attempt the art of letting go of something and entrusting it into the Lord's hands.