i wish i didn't care

feelings have always been my strong suit.
sometimes that's great.
but,
at times like this i wish i could switch them off.

i still haven't found my life partner,
i wish i didn't care about that.
a special name does not grace my home screen,
i wish i didn't care about that.
i haven't had a hug in weeks,
i wish i didn't care about that.

like a marked path in the woods,
my mind consistently wanders down the relationship rabbit hole.
pining for it,
feeling sad that being in a happy relationship is not part of my reality.

people say they focus on other things,
when they are single.
but how do i shift my focus off the one thing i really want?
how do i do that.
i don't understand how some people can care less.
i wish i could be them for a window of time.

i wish i didn't care.